The Hidden Chains: How Judgement Keeps You Stuck

For a long time, I couldn’t figure out why I felt so sad and ashamed all the time. I thought I was confident, yet deep down, I was trapped—constantly criticizing others in my mind. It wasn’t until I became fully aware of my own judgments that I realized how much they reflected my own limitations.

One day, I did an exercise at the beach that changed everything.

I watched different groups of people and noticed my instant thoughts:

• A group of Black women, laughing in bikinis—I thought they should cover up.

• A young Black couple with tattoos and gold teeth—I assumed they were embarrassing.

• An older Black man, shirtless in the water—I questioned why he was exposing his body.

• Then I saw a group of white people and automatically assumed they owned the beach house. I believed they belonged there.

In that moment, I saw how my judgments weren’t just about them—they were about me.

I had internalized ideas that Black people should shrink, that success belonged to others, that individuality needed to be controlled. And if I believed those things about them, what did I believe about myself? No wonder I was stuck.

Judgment Keeps Us Stuck

I recently spoke to a client who was struggling with this same thing. She has a brother in his 40s pursuing a Christian rap career. She judged him for his age, his sound, his aesthetics. She thought he was too old, his voice imperfect, his style not right.

But while she was critiquing him, he was out there living his best life—creating, performing, and stepping into his calling.

Meanwhile, she’s incredibly talented, beautiful, and artistic, yet she won’t start her own dreams. She won’t take the leap. She’s waiting for the “perfect” time, the “perfect” look, the “perfect” skills. She won’t allow herself the same freedom she refuses to give her brother.

But here’s the irony—he gave her permission to be free. He even invited her on stage, publicly recognizing her talent. He saw something in her that she won’t allow herself to see.

How often do we do this? We admire those who are bold enough to pursue their dreams, but we judge them at the same time. We think, “I could never do that because I’m not ready, not polished, not young enough, not skilled enough.”

The truth? Judgment is the lock on the door to your own freedom.

When I started unpacking my judgments, I realized they were keeping me small. They were someone else’s voice, shaping my reality. But awareness gave me power. Now, I notice judgment when it comes up and reframe it. Instead of limiting others, I grant them freedom—and in doing so, I free myself.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to explore The Judgment Exercise, a powerful tool to uncover your own hidden beliefs and start rewriting them.

👉 Join the 10-Week Judgment Series inside The Self-Love & Wellness Community for just $19.99/month, where we go deep into breaking free from judgment and reclaiming self-worth. You’ll get access to two live wellness calls per month plus all my courses.

Or, if you prefer, take The Judgment Course separately for $29.

Your freedom starts with awareness. Let’s do this together.

🔗 Click here to start your judgment exercise now